Shhh...

BRANDSLUT IS DOSSING.

Brandslut, dossing like a lizard.

Brandslut is moving to a new domain which means that www.brandslut.blogspot.com will have a new home from November 5th. Remember, remember, the 5th of November! She's making some tweaks, checking them twice, thinking of posts both naughty and nice. Yes, a new Brandslut is coming to town!

Sweet dreams, 

brandslut xoxo

The Greens

Lying in bed last night perusing the Taste Magazine, chocolate Steri Stumpie in hand, I stumbled upon a little blurb about Woolies opening its first eco-friendly store within the Palmyra Shopping Centre in Claremont, Cape Town. I can't find more detail online, but the article detailed how the retailer has used green building practices, energy recycling techniques, grey-water systems and the use of natural air and light to conserve energy. The new eco-friendly store opens on October 28th. I agree that Woolies has some work to do on improving the carbon footprint of its packaging, but I think this is a pioneering move in terms of retail and I hope Pick n' Pay, SPAR and Checkers follow suit. Now if only I could convince the gyms in South Africa to power their facilities with the energy generated from bicycles and treadmills.

I've got my new eco-friendly reusable ceramic mug from vida e caffe. Do you?

brandslut xoxo

Woolworths Living Wall

Click here to plant a free virtual seedling in aid of World Food Day on October 16th and uniting against hunger. For every virtual seedling planted,  Woolworths will plant a real plant at a school in South Africa with a permaculture food garden. Do it NOW, you've got no excuse!

brandslut xoxo

A Snip Off The Old C*ck

I'm just going to cut to the chase. Headache. Hangover. Groan. The Social Strategist and Journoslut are to blame. B*tches. Okay so check out this tear-off phone number ad created by a very crafty Turkish circumsiser, courtesy of Adme Ru. I wonder if Ismat saw an uplift in pene from this campaign? I hope so.

Cutting edge advertising.

brandslut xoxo

Lovebirds

On Monday night I met The Noo for a long-overdue goss' and save-the-world session - my favourite! A bottle of wine down the tapeworm kicked in, prompting a strategic nag phone call to The Investment Banker who volunteered to make us home-made tagliatelle (!) using his brand new pasta machine (the manual kind) from my vice, yuppiechef. If Telkom want to get Heita! right, I suggest they press a call to Paul Galatis on (021) 702 4969. Because THAT. My friend. Is what you call customer service. Anyhoo, the pasta was easy and uitstekend and The Rain Man now knows exactly what to stuff my stocking with this year.

Yuppiechef also happens to be the recipient of the very first Loerie (‘recognising, rewarding and fostering creative excellence’) awarded to an online store, and it's a gold one nogal! I think it's incredibly well-deserved and here's how the lil' nuggets behind the yuppiechef brand did it, article and images courtesy of their in-house online magazine, spatula:

"Our Lovebirds campaign (read the original story here) showed how a simple idea, quickly acted upon can pack an enormous punch thanks to the advent of social media and traditional media channels working hand in hand. One ransom note, a single blog post and a URL registration fee of R70 hi-jacked a social media campaign planned months in advance by two of SA’s leading agencies. In 14 days the ransom generated more than R3,5 million in media coverage while raising more than R100,000 for the charity Soil for Life and the blog post received more visits than the nationally advertised Woolies competition website.

What made it fly? People were captured by the idea of a small, nimble online company taking advantage of a morsel of opportunity, while fleecing Woolies for a good cause as they took their first bungling steps into the world of social media. Cheeky, we know, but we got away with it.

Many manufactured viral campaigns are driven by rewarding people for spreading the word in re-tweet-and-win or share-to-win fashions. It is interesting to note that in this case the motivation for people to spread the word was to help a charity, support the underdogs and play a part in what the Mail & Guardian called a ‘David & Goliath story‘. “The power of a great social idea has been proven through this campaign,” says Dani Vos, from Hello World Agency, “and we look forward to embracing this kind of smart thinking every day with brands like Yuppiechef.”

For some, the big question was whether we saw a spike in sales. The short answer is no, however, the obvious and immediate benefits were great awareness, positive word of mouth and the strong sense of community created among our fans who played an integral role in the campaign.

Being an online store, our world is the internet. We live, breath and communicate with our fans each day through social media. Everyone out there is taking their best guess at what social media means for their business, as are we. Over time we are seeing the growing impact that social media is having on our business, but truth be told, there are no formulas we can follow or ‘experts’ to consult with. It’s a new frontier that we are exploring daily and we’re enjoying the ride.''

Big-up Team Yuppie! Now please make sure I win your Ina Paarman competition ;)

brandslut xoxo

Burritovertising

I'm busy writing a food trend report (yes, I get paid to research cupcakes and things) and I've just stumbled upon a clever little ambient campaign for McDonald's Canada, courtesy of agency Cossette. I think this is a clever way to turn a seemingly tired medium into a tactical communication device. I just love the thought of men in suits commuting with McDonald's breakfast burritos rolled neatly beneath their armpits.

And in my information search I found Burrito Cat, courtesy of icanhascheezburger, a must see for all you pussy lovers out there.

brandslut xoxo

Because Everyone Loves a Good Sausage

The Luxury Meerkat is going to die when she sees this – she’s obsessed with sausies and I don’t blame her, they’re flippen nunu!  If I had a sausie I’d call her Stretch. I’m not ready for pooches yet so I’ll settle for them in all forms faux, like this awesome sausie chair set. Such an easy and clever upholstery  idea, borrowed from this hysterical blog!

Hot! Dogs.



Fail.

brandslut xoxo

Smart Cards

I see what they did there.

A killer business card gets me all excited and I still feel as though companies haven't grasped the strength of these subtle little marketing tools. My Day Job BC is so siff and corporate that I shudder when I have to hand it over to someone. Shouldn't an employee be proud of the business card they possess? These Bad Boys from Franco Caligiuri Financial & Investment Representative designed by Canadian agency Rethink illustrate how a financial advisor works and they get the point across immediately. Heart!

brandslut xoxo

Pinhole Magic

Anthony Browell pinhole 'Primitive Beauty'

After a gorgeous gravadlax and cappuccino breakie at Olympia Cafe in Kalk Bay, the Salty C Dog and I ventured upstairs to the Kalk Bay Modern - contemporary art, framing and gallery. Their art, from jewellery to ceramics and textiles, is beauteous. Let's just say there was plenty of restraining that had to be done with constant reminders of airplane luggage limitations. Which has just reminded me of something else that irritates the poop out of me - airplane weight restrictions. 

I don't mean to sound fattist, but why are  luggage weight allowances not calculated according to total weight, including body mass? Given that I weigh half of a 100kg person, surely I should be entitled to an extra 50kg's of luggage? Or the fat person should be fined for the extra [insert weight here] of mass they're adding to the total weight of the plane. Grr. Did I mention how awesome it was being charged R3500 for being 10kgs overweight from London recently? 

Awesome vibe.

Anyhoo, due to my cheeky inquisitive nature the lovely lady at the Kalk Bay Modern gave me a sneak peak into the photograph selection for the upcoming Point of Focus pinhole photography exhibition which opens on October 15th and ends on the 31st. There's something magical about making a camera from household materials and I'm now on a mission to attempt to replicate some of the insanely beautiful photographs I was shown this morning. If you're interested in making one, here's how. If you manage to get it right, hook me up with your work and we'll host a virtual pinhole exhibition. Fun!  

Kalk Bay Modern

136 Main Road, Kalk Bay

021 788 6571

www.kalkbaymodern.com

I might just have to arrange some incredibly important meetings in Cape Town at the end of the month.

brandslut xoxo

Cock-a-doodle-do.

The Rain Man and I are in Cape Town visiting the siblings and The Salty C Dog for the weekend - happy place! It's been too long since I last visited iKapa and last night we decided to get a little bit loose at &Union, followed by a post Weiss beer binge at Gourmet Burger. The head is tender today and I'm having flashbacks of us, a table of 'adults', drawing penis doodles all over the paper tablecloth at GB. Well, the girls were the culprits, the boys looked on in scarlet-faced embarrassment and used everything they could to hide the grotesque members that stared at them from below. Now they know how we feel!

And then BANG. I stumble upon this most awesome Doodle Duvet today, courtesy of  Stitch Design Works in Mud Island. The duvet emulates a piece of ruled paper and comes complete with 8 wash-out colour pens, meaning you can doodle to your heart's content and wash 'em out in the morning. Write a story, scribble a note, leave a message, compose a song, doodle a meerkat - perfect for late-night phone calls to your long distance lover! 

The 100% cotton 200 thread-count duvet cover will set you back 45 squirrels and is available to order online. 

Loves it. 

brandslut xoxo

Talking Trash

DDB Berlin have pushed the boundary for client VW with their new ambient campaign to let Germany know that the new Polo is made from 95% recycled materials. Recycling is big in Germany [and Japan] and DDB decided to use recycling bins, a previously underutilised space, to get their point across. Whilst I feel the execution is eye-catching and [kinda] gets the point across, I also feel the campaign is a dangerous one that  renders the product disposable or compares the car to trash. Or is it just me?

Der new Polo, made from 95% recycled materials

"Two Martinis, bitte."

"Dry?"

"Nein, I said TWO!"

brandslut xoxo

C is for Clowns

Cell C continue to show us their true colours: red, yellow, gold and all things circus. The cellular service provider has been ordered by the ASA to remove its latest campaign featuring the 4Gs symbol which has proved to be misleading and utter bollocks. CEO Lars Reichelt is now back-peddling and claiming that the use of the 4Gs symbol in their campaign has nothing to do with the building of a technically superior network [bullsh*t], but stands for 'For Great Service' and 'For Great Speed'. Click here for more. And if you read here you'll see that Lars has been fully aware of his misleading actions since February. 

Cell C CEO, Lars Reichelt

Here for my previous article on Cell C. 

brandslut xoxo

Here Comes the Hotstepper

As a lover of all things French et formidable, I thought this recent print ad from the Bad Boys at Saatchi & Saatchi Düsseldorf was interesting. In fact, I think they’ve played out of their pain-toffels for client Delifrance’s ready-to-bake-at-home range. Simple, effective, sweet.

J'ai faim maintenant.

brandslut xoxo

iBoobs

Ladies, not sure whether or not you're prepared to drop 30 gorillas on tweaking your twins? Never fear, iAugment App is here! Simply upload a photo of yourself with your weapons of mass distraction out, or in view, should I say, and use the simple tweaker thingie to make 'em bigger or smaller. 

The new Apple iRack

Cripes, what next! Wait a minute, I think I might just know the answer to that. Sies. 

brandslut xox

The Reel Deal

I seem to have inherited The Salty C Dog's green fingers which at this stage is proving to be more of a curse than a talent. Clothing shopping has got nothin' on garden shopping. Fact. Jozi's climate is perfect to grow just about anything and you'd be silly not to. The bushy Bad Boys in the tub on the right are Heinz tomatoes and I planted them as seedlings three weeks ago. Holy crap! They pretty much grow like weeds and soon I'll be able to have an entire salad from the garden. Note to self: must buy goat. 

 I've now managed to add artichokes, basil, mint, parsley, coriander, lettuce, tomatoes, chilli, avocado, nectarines, figs, raspberries, tree-tomatoes, carrots, spinach, green-beans, butternut and edible flowers to my Garden of Death. Yes, Mr. Carrot, you will be murdered at some point, sorry about that. 

Claire Reid is my hero and also the hot young South African mastermind behind Reel Gardening:

"Reel Gardening is a simple, cost-effective and convenient means for people to grow vegetables, herbs, and flowers from seed. Reel Gardening is a biodegradable paper strip that encases seeds with fertiliser at the correct distance apart.  The strip is planted vertically and indicates the correct depth that it must be buried below the soil.  The depth varies according to the variety and is indicated by a colour-coded strip. 

Reel Gardening is aimed at a health conscious consumer as well as individuals who do not have the ability to carry out the often complicated tasks encountered when trying to sow seeds. Reel Gardening produces ten vegetables, nine herbs and three flowers"

Bang. How awesome is that? 

She invented the Reel Gardening concept at 16 and has since gone on to win a compost heap of awards, including the Stockholm Junior Water Prize. Claire's seed-strips make growing fruit, vegetables and flowers fool-proof and can be purchased here or online. Get your company to get involved in CSI through the Garden in a Box concept which enables and empowers communities to implement their own  sustainable food projects throughout South Africa through a user-friendly and educational medium with which Reel Gardening hopes to alleviate food shortages and promote self-sustaining communities.

 Now you've got no excuse. 

 brandslut xoxo

Heita!

Get used to it. Heita! is the name of Telkom's new consumer mobile business. Personally, I prefer Yowza!, but that's neither here nor there. Industry whispers reveal that the launch of the consumer mobile service is planned for October 14th - heita, thats's soon!

At first I thought the name was rank. And then I learnt that heita is township slang for howzit which has changed the way I feel toward the brand name, but I guess the proof is in the service and execution and let's just hope they don't pull a Cell C and c*ck up their C.I. I also hope this new consumer mobile service provider puts a fire-cracker beneath the bums of the other cellular service providers in South Africa who could do with a little competition. Free local calls? A ridonculous amount of monthly minutes? Decent customer service? Take a leaf from the Yanks and Pomms on this one, Telkom. 

Heita!

 brandslut xoxo

People of WalMart

With all this crazy talk of American retail giant WalMart threatening to buy South Africa's MassMart (which runs Game, Dion, Makro and Builder's Warehouse, among other chains) for a whopping R32 billion, I thought I'd share this little gem with y'all. PEOPLE OF WALMART is a website comprising photos, videos and stories from within the beast. If white-trash and rednecks fascinate you, you'll love this.

Mullet Barbie

Especially for the cane & cream-sode drinking okes in Debben

Now, it's a Saturday morning and I'm not in the mood to get all serious (say that in your best  Kipp from Napoleon Dynamite accent) and discuss trade unions and why South Africans are up in arms about the potential buy-out, so read the full Mail & Guardian article here.

Class!

brandslut xoxo

I Believe In A Well Hung Parliament

Search marketing is something that gets me aroused, and apparently UK adult retailer Ann Summers feels the same way. For those of you outside the circle of trust, search marketing promotes websites by increasing visibility in search results. If you’re not interested in search and content strategy you’re a dinosaur in my opinion and also missing a massive marketing and awareness opportunity, especially in Mzansi.

“By using paid search as a brand marketing tool - by bidding on high volume, topical keywords with cheeky and humorous campaigns, Ann Summers generated significant eyeballs online and PR benefits offline. The strategy was not to deliver clicks, but instead to leverage the paid search mechanic to cheekily insert the Ann Summers brand into unusual places.”

British Airways strikes: The planes may be grounded, but you can still join the mile high club!

Budget 2010: There's no recession in pleasure!

Snow 2010: Stay in and stay warm with our steamy sex toys!

and my personal favs’...

Election 2010: Visit Ann Summers & find out why we believe in a well hung parliament and We specialise in long, hard elections!

Helen Zille believes in a well hung parliament

The campaigns generated a cuck-load of impressions, not just from the ads themselves, but also from PR around the naughty little campaign. The ads generated over 1.5 million impressions for a spend of less than £4500 (about R50 000) - a CPM of 0.003p (about 3.3c).

Now that you're in the mood, here's an old favourite to kick off the weekend with a bang.

Grr, happy Friday y'all.

brandslut xoxo